Today was awesome and it's not even noon.

Human Giant keeps promo promises.
Finally a show that's just as crass as its trailer. Human Giant aired the other night. And just when you thought butt sex and gay jokes were the victims of reverse discrimination, alas they’re alive and just a raunchy and homophobic as ever. Where’s Will Arnett? He’s my only reason for living. And watching.

Kristen's a whore, but doesn't look like one!
Surprise! "Kristen’s" not a trashy cunt with acrylic nails OR hair! Way to go, Spitzer. Guess if you’re going to F up your career, marriage and reputation royally ( not to mention publicly) might as well do it over a 22 year old swimsuit model.

Thank God Heidi’s Spencer (he doesn’t need a last name, just Heidi’s before it) will be dishing out relationship advice for Radar magazine. Maybe the Spitzer Scandal can be his first topic:

Dear Love Gov,
Break ups are hard. Might I suggest the Douchebag First Aid Kit. In there you’ll find bleach, whey protein, Neutrogena Self Tanner, Crest White Strips, and a signed copy of: How to Get Everything You Want by Acting Like a Chatch. And if you can’t find another woman you can always stage a relationship like I did.
Stay up, braw.

Shit or get off the pot.
Seriously. Or your ass will stick to it. Like the woman in Kansas who was stuck to hers for two years. Fine, don’t believe me:
Woman Stuck on Toilet

“Mr. Whipple, stop squeezing the Charmin and get my ass out of the toilet!”

In other news: Spring forward still sucks.